March 29, 2013

Level of Insecurity - Acne prone skin

I have mentioned this insecurity a few times about my acne scar but I never spoke this in details. I have been insecure about this problem since I was 17. It was a horrible experience. It lowered my self esteem and confidence.

There are many reasons not to really talk about it but I think it’s about time. I am still very insecure about it but I have to face this issue. There’s no way I can hide it. This will be part of me I have to take.

In my family I have the worst problem with acne. Until now, I still get it. I think for the last 2 years, it subsided. I only have minimal break outs from here and there but I no longer have cystic acne. That was the most painful and embarrassing problem of all. Occasionally I can get it but with the products I am using now it has helped the problem areas.

I asked myself several times, why I have this issue for so long. When will it stop? I know the reason why but I won’t tell why. It’s a very personal thing I just can’t tell openly. Maybe in the future, there’s the possibility.

I know you would also ask, why not going to the dermatologists? I did and done that. I already went to see 5 doctors in my lifetime. The doctors only helped to relieve the current appearance of the acne but the problem won’t go away. I decided not to waste my time seeing doctors and spent tons of money for medication. It was a hard decision.

I stopped taking all medications. I started fresh from experimenting over the counter and drugstore acne products. I had numerous failures I tell you. It’s not easy to find the one perfect formula to replace my medication. But sure did, there was luck.

I was told by somebody to try Clinique and Neutrogena. I did both. It wasn’t a magic thing. The problem didn’t disappear right away. It was a process. Eventually, I see improvements. I only noticed when some of my friends told me how the appearance of my face looks. Though deep down inside, I don’t really see any significant change. But with less money to spend, I can go on continue using it and honestly I feel better now.

All the remains of acne are evident on the texture of my face. I have ice pick scar, boxscar and rolling scars. I didn’t even know there is such difference. But what I have are mixed of all those condition. You know now how hard it is for me to get that flawless look with make up. Maybe one day, I can find that perfect product and would demonstrate it how I achieve that look. In the meantime, forgive my using of photoshop and lightroom to edit my skin.

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