Turning my goals upside down

 I don't know what it is but for the past weeks my current work is been changing like crazy. I have been receiving messages that I need to get rid of and it made me scared. I did it but I feel like nothing happened on it. I get worst in my feeling rather than just following my heart. It's like I'm not trusting because it is the hardest thing for me to do but yet I feel like wanting to be compensated for my act. In the end it didn't make me feel better. I get feeling down and anxious. Is this another test? How long do I have to suffer from this money energy. I did the unknown for a long time. It's like the more I listened the more I get worst in feelings and emotions. I don't know if there's to heal in my past when I already been healing the things I remembered. Is it in my past not in this lifetime thats not yet healed? 

I get so upset yesterday of wanting to quit this spiritual growth is. I know they said the breakthrough will happen when you are at the bottom and now I am here for long. How long do I have to suffer emotionally? 

I know most of you will say just keep it going. I know too. In my heart I am willing but also part of it is anxious. I used all the tools I can to help me feel at ease with this turmoil but the ego just keep coming back and i don't have to let it go. It's part of me. To control it, I don't think so. But the part of me which I need to understand. This is all honesty difficult. 

I am on the edge of not believing.. I will try my best to hold on to it but I don't know how long.