I am in the state of confusion. It's been months since March. Months did pass but it doesn't mean I am not making progress of myself. I worked so hard getting to know the deepest level of my being.
10 months since my awakening I believe I did a lot of progress. I came to the end like releasing all that's not for my highest good. The healing is always daily like a very simple ritual to ponder what my reality is reflecting on me. I usually do it in the shower. It's very grounding. I imagine Gaia through the water cleansing all over me. I don't believe that there's a specific way to do it. What is important? when I know everytime I do it, my body become lighter and that is my proof to myself not proving it to others. I no longer look for validation.
What I also come to realize, how the division of the spiritual community is? I thought everyone is doing the same goal. To be in Unity. It's not Love and light after all. The more I am seeing, listening to different journeys, the more I see ego and separation. Not all, but many are influenced using spirituality to boost their own material obsession and personal business. I got influenced and hooked up at some point by the idea of manifestation. It really slowed me down on my knowing myself better. It gave me a different path so it just gave me more of my confusion state.
Today it's July 21. I barely make money online. No actual friends to talk to. Family that I can't rely on because everyone is doing their own unconscious thing which I can't relate anymore. My desire no longer exist like the drive is gone. I decided that I will not care anymore. If this kind of act can change everything, I am taking my surrender to the next level.
I mostly have no thoughts now. Everytime I allow thoughts, it's very intrusive. It influenced me to be so unhappy. Which was my common feeling since I remember of this life. I don't often think this way but that behavior also did bypass it so it's coming back in a loop. This is how it goes. I could be okay now but later my mind will wonder and my emotions spike up. I can tell when something's wrong because my body energy heats up and my son will always ask, "what's wrong me?" Then I will snap out of it.
It's a mental control I know and this is the hardest part. I shouldn't think and not being influenced by the thought. I also am human. This avatar is with limitations. And I know what my divinity looks like too. I am in the middle of this. I am not only looking at the perception of the avatar but I can also see and feel the glimpse of who I really am.
This expansion is more to deal with. I hope one day I can get rid of the idea about these limits and being able to see all the film strip the thoughts of these human at zero point.
at 10 months, how did you all progress with the journey?
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