Turning my goals upside down

 I don't know what it is but for the past weeks my current work is been changing like crazy. I have been receiving messages that I need to get rid of and it made me scared. I did it but I feel like nothing happened on it. I get worst in my feeling rather than just following my heart. It's like I'm not trusting because it is the hardest thing for me to do but yet I feel like wanting to be compensated for my act. In the end it didn't make me feel better. I get feeling down and anxious. Is this another test? How long do I have to suffer from this money energy. I did the unknown for a long time. It's like the more I listened the more I get worst in feelings and emotions. I don't know if there's to heal in my past when I already been healing the things I remembered. Is it in my past not in this lifetime thats not yet healed? 

I get so upset yesterday of wanting to quit this spiritual growth is. I know they said the breakthrough will happen when you are at the bottom and now I am here for long. How long do I have to suffer emotionally? 

I know most of you will say just keep it going. I know too. In my heart I am willing but also part of it is anxious. I used all the tools I can to help me feel at ease with this turmoil but the ego just keep coming back and i don't have to let it go. It's part of me. To control it, I don't think so. But the part of me which I need to understand. This is all honesty difficult. 

I am on the edge of not believing.. I will try my best to hold on to it but I don't know how long. 

Spiritual journey

 What has been going on with my life now? What is the changed? Any drastic switch. As far as my belief, it did. I understand now a bit on quantum physics, vibration, frequency, life purpose and what is my feeling to live. 

Before awakening, I wanted to just end it but now it's the best time to be on earth. I witness the ascension, what I can help and do is worth living. 

My relationship to source is good and the universe is aligning me too. Is it always good? no because the dark forces and external is honestly the hardest to maneuver. Its not all roses. 

My meditation somehow shifted too. It's like I'm not getting much. It's like I'm just there with an empty space but it's good because at least it's nothing to get afraid at. 

My messages just come in real time without me forcing it. So far as with my energies, I am able to know if I'm near bad energy. My body can tell which one to allow and not. I guess its leveling up. I can affirm right away because my senses can pickup fast. 

If you want to follow me, I'm active in YouTube - Rochetalks. My messages are directly from my higher self and source. 

5 Months after Spiritual Awakening

 It is progressive and fast. Knowing things, terminology and all of a sudden I can understand what all the spiritual community is talking about. The first 3 months was more on the basic. What it meant, purpose, Frequency, energy, vibration, healing and lots of it. 

Going 4 month is like a task has been given to you. You now have something you carry that can help all. It's like you have significant role to all. part of you joined this community without even trying to get to know personally each one. It's like everyone knows the work they did and what they can do to help. 

Test after test. Elevation of energies and frequency as well as your inner knowing is expanding too. 

I am in my 5th now. Did work not seen and not shared. Sacred task that I believe everyone has, yet no one will speak about it. You trusted it's the highest good of all. 

everyone is loving. Seeing that you can understand the language, the rule, the purpose. 

I am seen in my YouTube now. Speaking my truth. If you want to follow @rochetalks is my handle. 

Kundalini BS

Looking at the external point of view, who's telling the truth. no one experience the real truth other than telling from someone's experience. Some of the description that signifies the meaning of Kundalini did somehow coincide the experience I have. 

I am not religious and not spiritual when I was awaken. But I have a strong faith yes. I believe just one thing all of my life, don't hurt people. That I carry growing up. 

I grow up in a household of Love isnt shown through word but only respect and kindness is. but along the way, persuaded by emotional distress the family is turned upside down. 

I have been isolated with the world growing up. I have less knowledge other than what is thought in school. Reading news was not my cup of tea as well as reading books will make me fall asleep. I live in a 3rd world country so technology was falling deeply behind so watching Tv and movies came only 2/3 of my life. 

Currently, I have been out with news, movies, music because I just felt the negativity it gets. I have seen movies once in a while but oftentimes I rather just use app and watch funny stuff 😂. the drama in the world isn't my thing but I am still a nosy human being. 

my awakening with kundalini happens because I just can't stand the negativity of the world. I asked several times to check me out with this situation. My plea wasn't answered until I was sick with a 102-105f fever for over a week. no medicine can heal my headache and all I did was just laying down. The slight of getting up was painful but I need to eat and go to the bathroom. I don't know what's going on it's like it was my first kind of debilitating pain that will not go away. 

The electric charges on my body came on the 5th day when it started. Twitching nerves all day long just half of my body as well as My 3rd eye is pulsing non stop. I felt so hopeless and I just fall to sleep to forget my pain. The fever did stop on the 8th day when I told myself to forget taking medicine. it just make me sick more. And yes, it was a miracle for me. 

but the electric charge on my body was new to me and I didn't know what's going on with me. Even the fever is gone, the energy in the body and the 3rd eye pulsing won't stop either. It is something I didn't know how to solve. until I went to an app and browse til I came the word awakening. 

When I've realized what is happening, I helplessly start meditating when I don't even know how. I just followed my instinct just to listen a guided meditation but I can't really focus either 😂. I tried several times and I end up like nothing until reading is just for me and listening to people's work. Then one day came, finally meditation work with my body and able to stabilize the energetic concurrence. All of this happening in 2 months...No mentor, no help was done with the external other than following what I've known my instinct...How hard it is to know what you don't know in the first place. 

When you're spiritual so the instinct could have been source and higher self working and guiding me what to do.