Kundalini BS

Looking at the external point of view, who's telling the truth. no one experience the real truth other than telling from someone's experience. Some of the description that signifies the meaning of Kundalini did somehow coincide the experience I have. 

I am not religious and not spiritual when I was awaken. But I have a strong faith yes. I believe just one thing all of my life, don't hurt people. That I carry growing up. 

I grow up in a household of Love isnt shown through word but only respect and kindness is. but along the way, persuaded by emotional distress the family is turned upside down. 

I have been isolated with the world growing up. I have less knowledge other than what is thought in school. Reading news was not my cup of tea as well as reading books will make me fall asleep. I live in a 3rd world country so technology was falling deeply behind so watching Tv and movies came only 2/3 of my life. 

Currently, I have been out with news, movies, music because I just felt the negativity it gets. I have seen movies once in a while but oftentimes I rather just use app and watch funny stuff 😂. the drama in the world isn't my thing but I am still a nosy human being. 

my awakening with kundalini happens because I just can't stand the negativity of the world. I asked several times to check me out with this situation. My plea wasn't answered until I was sick with a 102-105f fever for over a week. no medicine can heal my headache and all I did was just laying down. The slight of getting up was painful but I need to eat and go to the bathroom. I don't know what's going on it's like it was my first kind of debilitating pain that will not go away. 

The electric charges on my body came on the 5th day when it started. Twitching nerves all day long just half of my body as well as My 3rd eye is pulsing non stop. I felt so hopeless and I just fall to sleep to forget my pain. The fever did stop on the 8th day when I told myself to forget taking medicine. it just make me sick more. And yes, it was a miracle for me. 

but the electric charge on my body was new to me and I didn't know what's going on with me. Even the fever is gone, the energy in the body and the 3rd eye pulsing won't stop either. It is something I didn't know how to solve. until I went to an app and browse til I came the word awakening. 

When I've realized what is happening, I helplessly start meditating when I don't even know how. I just followed my instinct just to listen a guided meditation but I can't really focus either 😂. I tried several times and I end up like nothing until reading is just for me and listening to people's work. Then one day came, finally meditation work with my body and able to stabilize the energetic concurrence. All of this happening in 2 months...No mentor, no help was done with the external other than following what I've known my instinct...How hard it is to know what you don't know in the first place. 

When you're spiritual so the instinct could have been source and higher self working and guiding me what to do. 

now I know

 When you walk the path of righteousness, and you want people to see what they don't see, no one will believe you. they look at you as the wrong guy and their afraid of what's going to happen to my soul. Do they already see what the soul look like? Did they see their own light? it's not for me to judge and its low vibration not good for unity consciousness. 

this task is hard when it's not easy to let people wake up. I wanted them to see what the world is really meant for, but majority is sleeping. 1% in FB are all sleeping. I tried to help with the truth, compassion, understanding and humility but  only a few listen. 

I did my best today and I have the support because I already released all these low frequency and the change of transmuting with the help of Gaia is wonderful. We are not alone to do this work.

 I am in the initiation, this make me stronger. 

When to be free?

 What is it in me that I missed? I keep on projecting the same pattern.

What is my fear? 

Anxiety?

When to get out from this matrix?

When to have true freedom?

It's just me alone I know but I still believe in this illusion.

This is a game everything is already plan. Everyone is playing the character but how come I acted as if it's still real. I am affected with the illusion I created. 

If I signed up a mission for humanity but why is my reality is fucked up. I'm always triggered by my husband action, attitude, reaction, ideas, plans and visions. The complain he has for everything is non stop. His neat picking on everything. Is that how my past life is I am like that? Or is that how I am inside? Complaining. How can I show love with no judgement? I am God but why I'm affected. 

Is it because I don't want to carry this long illusion, to live, to experience and just end it? Do I still carry that thought? That part of me that I can't let go and is in battle. 

can I change within and reset all that I've seen at this point?

Shadowwork from your Mom who doesn't want you to speak up. Where your thoughts and opinions are blocked. 

What were the signs before Spiritual Awakening

 Early this year, I came across a person in my fyp in one of the social media. I listened and scroll the content of her account but didn't laugh about it. I find it weird to see the content. The person that I saw was a celebrity that talked about astral projection and I can't comprehend what was that all about. I felt her fear like there's going to happen bad and I was a bit curious like what is going to happen that she sees that I don't or the world doesn't know. That was it.

 On and off, she will appear in my feed and I just observe because I don't know anything about what she's saying. It's very foreign to me what she's saying. I can picture in my mind what she's talking but I can't understand in her level and I can't connect anything in my life. I treated it like 'oh its just a content'. 

Somewhere around August I am at a point of mental torture on my relationship with my husband. I felt the weight of sadness in me that I can no longer feel happiness. All I keep on seeing is this very negative energy between us keep on crashing each other's nerves. It was a very straining point in time between us. I also felt lonely because I kept losing friends, my social media income isn't doing pretty good, I can no longer rely on my immediate family, my son and I having conflicting ideas during study time and it's like negative forces all coming in to me crashing me to the core. The loneliness and emptiness is coming back at me again. I've always known this feeling since I was a child and it's like slapping in to my face again. I am married. I have a son. Im working at home but why I feel so strange. Why am I feeling so incomplete. I can't understand the feeling why. 

Then a month passed by. The Storm season doing its course. The strange thing I've noticed was the thunder and lightning. It was very apparent to me and weird. It's like I'm going to be hit one day. It goes on and off and I even asked my husband about the strange noise with this thunder and lightning. He just said its nothing compared to his experiences in the USA. The thought of it was brushed off because if it was not something significant to someone then it's just an ordinary phenomena. 

Aside from the thunder and lightning, this was this strange noise in the sky. I've heard and thinking my husband heard it too. It was like someone is coming. It doesn't sound like a trumpet but a gong that resonates and the echoes linger to the ear. I didn't tell my husband about it because I thought he heard it but it just me that heard it all along. I asked him one day if he ever heard a strange gong in the sky but he said no but this was after my awakening.